My Precious!


I am a 30+ woman looking for answers that don't want to be found. Common female worries about what exactly is this precious ring that we are looking for and as long as we don't have it on our fingers until the age of 35, makes us sick and ugly like Gollum. Do we desperately need it to feel strong and successful , or do we need a Hobbit (a kid) to destroy it once and for all, instead of doing it ourselves???
Do we need THE PRECIOUS to find peace in our world?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fall. In love

It's a rainy night... nothing's better than that..

It's late, i am sleepless, tired, ill, confused, scared and excited as well.
Every season i am exactly the same, but every Fall i am myself.
Fall in love with the Fall...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Never stop wishing impossible things...

There was a time, that i used to listen to this song 24/7...

Friday, April 30, 2010

Greek Crisis or Global Crisis of Conscience?

So... Do you also believe that Greeks, are all of a sudden, thieves, pigs, bums etc??? 

Χωρισμένο σε 10λεπτα, με καλή μετάφραση, απο τον χρήστη Cres45 στο you tube

Ψάξτε δεξιά στην μπάρα των αναρτήσεων του και θα βρείτε το zeitgeist addendum σε 13parts με ελληνικούς υπότιτλους....

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


My ankle today is (at least) twice as big as it used to be...

................. F$%!@#$#@$#$G!!!!!!!!...............

Monday, April 26, 2010

One love

I've decided to write this blog in English. Not only to practice my bad English, but to also try expressing myself in a different way. Different language is a different way of thinking sometimes.

In Greek, for example, we have different words for emotions. ''I love you'' and ''i'm in love'', for example, are two totally different words, 'cause the meaning is totally different, way too different. Greek language is a meaningful language. 

Every word has a meaning, so you can analyze each word and also analyze the meaning of it. 

You can find the background of each meaning or you can lose your way, (sometimes your mind also) by using the wrong word. So, it's not that hard for me to express my feelings in English language, although i have problems in English!
It's much harder trying to accept my feelings while i see clearly their meaning.

Erotas. Erotas is the word (also a God in ancient Greece) that means BEING IN LOVE.

A good friend of mine who studies ancient Greek, told me an option about the root of word EROTAS and AGAPH.
If you analyze the word EROTAS you can see that the word is made of E(N) (which means within)and ROME which means power. So when you are in love, in Greek means when you are powered by, that you have the power, internal power to do things. And this is totally true... when you are in love you feel strong, you feel that you can do things, that nothing can stop you, that you are invincible. And that's an illusion, like most love stories are... 

When you are ill, in Greek we say ARROSTOS. The word's analysis means week. A - means without, and ROME means power. So, without power. BUT! EROTAS can lift you high, can give you that power. So when you are not in love, you feel week, vulnerable, without power.

But, when you love someone, it's not the same word in Greek and it doesn't have the same root, or includes the same word like ''love''.  It comes from the word AGAN which means too much.

It means beneath all, more than anything, beyond anything.

It's a totally different emotion and situation.

So, for me, English is safer.
I can do mistakes, but only in vocabulary or in grammar.

Using Greek, i can see my mistakes, written down.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Play it again Sam...

Είχα χρόνια να το ακούσω... Είπα να το μοιραστώ μαζί σας.
Αφιερωμένο σε έναν φίλο μου που το ακούγαμε παρέα... και έφυγε νωρίς.

'' ...can't lose the sadness''

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The limit is the sky

Looking at the sky always sets you free. I always thought that stars are dead people's soul. Their energy that became light, and although they are dead, their light runs till our ages.

I adore rain. So, every cloud is like a promise to me. ''Someone is crying up there'', tears of joy, never of sadness.

Τhe wind is for sadness. Wind don't let the clouds burst into ''tears''. Sadness doesn't cry. The wind doesn't let the clouds redeem themselves. Sadness never cries.

Sunshine is something not that innocent. Something not that important to me, although i live in a sunny country. I was always suspicious of the sun. Sun lets you see everything, every little detail( even those you don't want to see), but sun never lets you look right back at him. You don't have anything but a blurred image of the sun.

Some say happiness is a state of mind. Others say happiness is a decision. Others believe happiness is hiding in moments.

I say you should search for happiness in the blue hours. The time of the day, a little bit after the sunset, where there is still enough light to see things clear
and enough darkness to concentrate, and watch everything else but you.

Happiness is the moment you can really see, and not just look at, the world.
The world. Not your world, with you in the center of the universe.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

F CK... the only thing you need is U

Disappointment. What is all about? Some say if you don't expect anything from anyone you never get disappointed. Maybe. But... who can really live this way?

I am a kind of person that gives 100% into anything i do. I give 100% to people when i think they deserve it. And of course... i get disappointed. It doesn't matter what i do, how i try, how much work i 've done with myself. Work, job, friendships, relationships, relatives, anything anything can end up a huge disappointment. But why?
It's because it has to do with people. And as long as it has to do with people, disappointment is part of the deal. No matter how prepare you are, you are never enough prepared for that. And... that's a big disappointment from... yourself. Why yourself never learns the lesson? Stop wasting time of your precious life... on people? Stop taking things so serious? Stop punishing yourself for being good? What is the lesson anyway?
I came to a conclusion last night.
The lesson is not to stop believing in yourself. World is full of people. Anything, has to do with people. It doesn't matter how good person you are, but only if it counts for you.
So... don't expect your boyfriend to be faithful because you are.
Your best friend to love you back, because you do that.
Your boss to tell you how good you are in your job, although you are the best.
Don't expect your relatives to act like they are your family, just because you think they are.
Don't expect a good word for your efforts, just because you deserve it.
Don't expect good in return just because you do good.
Don't expect justice, just because you believe in justice.
Don't expect someone to be right, just because you are right.

Expect everything from you.

If you wanna keep on being right, do that because you believe in that. Do that with passion, do that with faith, do that with all your body and soul, and do that only for you. Only for your soul, and only if you think this is what you want.

NOT WHAT OTHERS EXPECT FROM YOU OR WHAT YOU THINK SHOULD BE RIGHT. Just act the way you believe your better self should act. You, are the only one who knows the better self you wanna be. What a better self means to you. This way, you can never be disappointed. By anyone. Mostly you.

So, the lesson, for me, is to expect anything and nothing at the same time.
But, while doing that, always believe in myself. Always knowing the truth. My truth. Cause it's very easy to cheat yourself with lots of excuses. It's very difficult some times to understand if you are using excuses to misguide yourself. Very difficult. But if you are true to yourself you are going to ind edify them at the end.

Always ask yourself; WHY?

WHY am i working so much? Because i want to or because i want a promotion?
WHY am i in this relationship? Because i want to, or because i am afraid to move on?
WHY am i doing this charity? Because i want to do it for those who need, or just to feel better about myself?
WHY am i so much hurt of someone's injustice? Because i think much of his opinion, or because i think much of myself? And if so, why should this hurt me if i know it's injustice?

If someone is injustice to you, you should not be hurt. He or she should be. Don't punish yourself cause someone else did something wrong or he did something wrong to you. You, didn't. It's unfair, i know, but life is unfair.

If you wanna be fair do it for you. This way, nothing can make you feel bad for yourself. You don't need people who are unfair... but, most of them are. Some times maybe you were in the past. You never know, because sometimes you just don't know how should someone feel about something you did, although it wasn't on purpose.
So, be kind. To others. Mostly to you.

It's ok to be hurt.
This way you can see your limits.
This way you can be better.
We live in ourselves. Let's try to make them the person that why cannot find.

Life is too short. Don't waste it on others. Let them fix their own character.
Protect yours.It's the most difficult thing. Never lose your trust. Never lose you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

First you lose your faith and then your guts, or the other way around?

Just wondering, in heart breaking situations, what do you lose first?

A part of yourself?
Your trust to people?
Your self balance?
Your ego?
Your time?
Your mind?
Your sleep?
Your friend?
Your sexuality?
Your way of living?
Your routine?
Your innocence?
Your self esteem?
Your expectations?
Your dream?
Your guts?
Your faith?

Try not to lose yourself for anyone. It's just relationships. Just people. People come and go, and usally we have a lesson to take from each story and each person. The one we haven't learn yet. 
So don't be afraid to be hurt. Its part of the game. The game of love.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sleepless in Athens

Its Monday. I didn't win the lotto, so i guess i should go to work tommorow.
It's ok... but... i lost the whole weekend. I didn't even went out to my balcony.
I saw a very strong and real dream last night... i still can't get over it . I should wait 3 days as my grandmother says to see what it meant. Although i think i already know.

Friday, April 9, 2010

SMALL PLEASURES... A Greek Production

Did i miss something?

Am I the only one? I run and run and run all day from home to work, from work to gym and then back to home again.
Everyday is the same. And no matter what i do or plan nothing changes!
Its like the Groundhog Day movie....
And i am so tired... sick and tired of it. I wanna go for a drink. But i am exhausted! And during weekend i have to do housecleaning...

what am'i doing wrong?

10 years have passed and i didn't notice...
10 years in a town i don't like, doing the same thing every ------$%@#--- morning.
Running in circles...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Cheat is cheap

Cheating is immoral or just inhuman?

First of all; Cheating is so ordinary that i hate been a cheater because i am not an ordinary person.

Second of all; Cheating is so easy that i hate been a cheater cause i like challenges.

Third of all; Cheating is the biggest betrayal. You betrayal yourself and then your best friend, your best half. If your best half doesn't have a clue, that makes you a very immature person and a very egoist human being. You cannot expect from someone to be faithful to you and at the same time, you do things that you would never wanted him/her to do to you. So, every relationship, friendship or any other kind should be built on honesty and free will. But that goes for both sides as well!!! It's not fair for you to have your romance and expect from your relation to live without it or just with you.

Fourth of all; Cheating is dangerous for many reasons. Someone WILL GET HURT. Sometimes so much hurt that never heals. Someone may get sick. There are soooo many diseases out there, and no matter how careful you are, sometimes someone - who is not the cheater - may get sick because you were having fun... That's so unfair, sad and dangerous.

Fifth of all; You never know how crazy is someone for you... And by crazy i mean really CRAZY. I' ve seen a lot of that stuff... So, dangerous also, and usually not for the person who is involved.

But, what about the poor cheated?

Poor cheated always takes a lesson, and that is more important than the whole cheating story.

First of all; People do that. Not to him. They just do that. It's inhuman but... that's why cheating is a human privilege... It's a good opportunity to test your self respect, your self confidence after a stroke like that, your strength and your criteria.

Poor cheated always finds out last. But the problem isn't that he is the last that founds out how stupid he or she was. The problem is that - usually - he or she finds out. Ok, maybe the poor cheated feels a little bit good about himself, because at the end he knows. But it's never good to know, trust me. An information like that only makes the poor cheated more miserable than he was. And now that he knows, he must deal with it. Sometimes it's not that easy... Sometimes it's even harder than you can imagine.

So, should the poor cheated stay, forgive and forget?

The most important issue is why. Why should the poor cheated forgive and forget and stay in a toxic relationship?

If the poor cheated give a good answer, may give a chance to himself and then to the cheater.

So, in conclusion, cheating for someones may be a way of living. For some others a way of understanding.
For me there is no excuse to cheat. No excuse. I don't have to forgive and forget. I don't harm others. I don't act like an egoist so, i expect the same in returns. Nothing more.

If only one of my relationships told me that they were attracted by another person, and just wanted to be with that person, yes i would have been hurt, but at least i would appreciate that i was respected enough to be told about it.

I don't forgive and forget.

And i don't forgive myself for forgetting who i am and how i treated me for the past years. I stayed trying to forgive and forget knowing that there was no good enough answer on WHY.

And i stayed.
And it's not me! I don't do that!
I lost many years with that behavior. Now i am trying - at least!- not to lose the lesson about the whole situation.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Maybe, maybe, maybe...

Where did all men (from any race) disappear?
They went far far awa
y to destroy the ring girls!

The usual problems with Christmas and Easter here in Greece, is that everyone (and by everyone i mean relatives) ask you again and again WHERE IS THE GROOM GIRL??? The problem is, that after 30, you start wondering yourself also! The real problem is that you find yourself worrying about looking for an answer that doesn't want to be found (just like the groom!).
When exactly can you be sure that you found the love of your life? Don't tell me that when i'll find him i will know for sure... it's not that simple.
It was very simple in the age of 23. Maybe even 26. Because before 30 you know that you can make mistakes that you can blame your age! Your luck! Your immaturity...something! But... i am sure that after 30 you just can't mistake love at first sight with the love of your life. So you don't have excuses.
The love of your life, in my opinion, is the kind of love and the kind of man that changes you forever. That takes you to another lever. That leaves marks. And by marks i don't mean wounds. What happened then and why if we found that love of a lifetime isn't still with us? Maybe isn't all black and white. Maybe big great loves not always stay together till death do them apart. Maybe girls over 35, are romantic girls that looking for that big experience before the big day. Maybe they don't need that big day at all. Maybe they just need to find the precious inside of them and not in some diamond ring. Maybe monogamy isn't for everyone. Maybe those girls are so much hurt that they need the greatest love of all to heal their hearts; the love of a child. And that's why they are so afraid. They don't want to miss it. They don't want to make a mistake again. Cause a mistake like that will cost them everything. And a girl over 30 with brains, if that happen just can't blame anyone but herself.
So... no ring is that precious. No man is that precious. No promise is that precious. The most precious thing is love. But you can't have a baby to fill your gaps. Or your heart-gaps. And a girl over 30 with brains, knows that. So she stands still. And as long as she stands still, peace never comes, and years goes by.

Zen secret is this; when you sit, you sit still.
When you move, just move.
The worse things of all is wavering.

Monday, March 22, 2010

i think i could use some walk. I missed one more training today... I miss me.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Welcome spring

spring poppies by Susan Hazard

i just can't decide. I'm thinking in English, i' m writing in Greek. I must decide. I'm writing in English i' m thinking in Greek. Some art might help. Art speaks to the heart. Art takes you to another level. That's the meaning of Art. At least that should be.

Bad English or bad mood? Hope tomorrow spring will take me higher...